Welcome to Manifestations of Baboonery

My attempt to document life’s amusingly excruciating situations or travesties as I like to call them. 

Universally challenged

It’s been a while since the last mumuendo and then all of a sudden three accidental innuendos cum along at once.

Here’s the first, check back over the next couple of days for the rest.

Train shame

I know infinite monkeys bashing away on typewriters could have written the entire works of Shakespeare, twice, in the time since my last post but I’ve just witnessed a travesty that I hope will have been worth the wait.

I’d been working late and arrived at Finsbury Park just in time to get my train home. But arriving on a station platform to find a crowd bigger than my disappointment with series two of Downton Abbey (Heartbeat 1916) with a mood like the tabloid-fuelled lynching of a pediatrician is never a good sign.

Editorial dysfunction

Sorry Flangers, once again some of you may have noticed I yet again published an unedited, unfinished travesty. It won’t happen again I promise – for the second time in as many weeks.

I’ve taken it down but at the very least you got an insight into the creative process and luckily I had yet to set down the ending so it wasn’t spoiled.

Kosher Kock

Yet another Spotted Dick for you all courtesy of Steve C, loyal Flanger and first-time contributor.

Rather than me explain the greasy monstrosity I’ll let him justify it himself:

“I take a childish comfort to discover I’m not the only one who unintentionally sees willies in everyday surroundings.

Upon opening my packet from the fish ‘n’ chip shop, bugger me if I hadn’t ordered penis and large chips.”

Bouncing bum

I was recently at a wedding reception at Brooklands Museum and found myself full of three helpings of the buffet with my back teeth floating in free bar beer.

All of a sudden, the need to use the toilet became immediate and all-consuming. I shoulder barged an anonymous door open and pinballed down a palatial corridor. I fumbled around, opening more doors than a hotel porter, until I found myself in a utopia of a bathroom, relieved that I could stand down the Disasters Emergency Committee.

Kitchen confidential

A freshly baked Mumuendo for your all. Previously I’ve thought long and hard about posting mumuendos as appalling as this one and I know some of you have emailed me to say ‘I can’t believe you write that about your mum. It’s your mum for christ sake!’.

All I have to say is that she says this stuff, all I do is write it down. How you interpret it in your dirty and twisted minds is down to you. If you are sickened and shocked by it you only have yourselves to blame. Plus my mum secretly loves it – mumuendos I mean, not “it”, I assume.

Wedding wanger

As I’ve no doubt mentioned before I like drawing cocks on things – in the condensation on a cab window, a random page in a colleagues notebook or the inside cover of a Gideon bible, to name but a few.

Premature publication

Some of you, especially those Flangers signed up to the email update, will have noticed I got a little ahead of myself and published two draft travesties.

These will be up again soon and much better than the typo riddled versions you may have seen.

I promise not to get over excited and shoot my bolt early again.

Herbie’s oily cock

I worry because I love drawing cocks in inappropriate places – is it ever appropriate?

But it turns out everyone’s at it, including cars.

“Large doner please mate”

Not a Spotted Dick this one as it’s more of an accidental textual reference to a vertical bacon sandwich, but as it combines puerile humour, is on the front cover of a kids book and reminded me of something terrible a colleague once said I decided to share it with you all.