Mother’s delay

This post is slightly out of date, mainly as I forgot I’d taken the picture, but worth sharing nonetheless.

Every year the guy who runs the ‘fruit n’ veg’ stall near my office makes signs to promote Mother’s Day. Now, I can’t draw – in fact, ever since that time when I was a kid and got referred to an educational psychologist for painting, using exclusively black paint, my house being blown up by a cannon, I tend to avoid creating graven images of any kind. But the ‘fruit n veg’ guy is something else. He’s either massively delusional or doesn’t give a toss what people think, or perhaps both. It looks like it’s been drawn by a cack-handed chimp having electroconvulsive therapy.

Flower power

"I'd be unhappy if my mum looked like either of those horrors"

The key message is unless you get your mum flower’s for Mother’s Day she’ll go bald and cry tears of blood. But if you do her hair will stand on end, she’ll get eyes of a demon, Christmas baubles for ear rings, a bullet hole in each cheek and will look like she’s put her on lipstick whilst riding on a rollercoaster.

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