I’m walkin’ here! I’m walkin’ here!

The other morning on the way to work all my trains were cancelled so I had to piss about getting to the nearest underground station. I was less than chuffed about this but it did mean I witnessed a truly fantastic street argument.

I was just about to cross a road when I noticed a smartly dressed bloke in his mid-forties standing in front of a car that had turned into the road as he was crossing. He looked angrier than teenage acne and screamed, in a heavy Brooklyn accent, at the middle-aged female driver:

“BITCH!”

As he began to storm off the women in the car wound her windows down and said in a cut-glass accent:

“I beg your pardon!”

He span round and screamed:

“You fuckin’ bitch, it was my right of way, you fuckin’ limey bitch. I was crossing the fuckin’ road you fuckin’ limey bitch.

FUCK YOU! YOU. FUCKIN’. LIMEY. BITCH!”

I was toying with stepping in and telling him to take it easy as it was getting a little out of hand when out of nowhere Mrs Bouquet – yes I know it’s spelled bucket, but if I’d written bucket then I’d have to explain that it’s a reference to Keeping Up Appearances and and actually pronounced bouquet despite being spelt bucket, which would have been tedious to say the least – silenced him with 8 simple words, delivered in perfect Queen’s English.

“Why don’t you go and fuck your mother?”

The wannabe Ratso Rizzo shuffled off towards the tube station, owned by a middle-aged limey bitch. Doesn’t it make you proud to be British.

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3 Responses to I’m walkin’ here! I’m walkin’ here!

  1. thorpie says:

    Major lolz Chacma.

    Top drawer.

  2. Matt says:

    When ‘hungry bum’ was walking down his street in paddington, a women in a wheel chair told him to “get out of the fucking away” to which he replied “you can’t speak to people like that ” undeterred she replied “yes I can, I believe in freedom of speech you fucking cunt” as she sped off at 2mph in the other direction. Brilliant.

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