Sometimes I worry I swear too much. Other times I’m secretly proud of the quality of my swearing – particularly the unusual combinations (pissturd) and overtly gratuitous excess (fucking, twating, pissturd of a shitweasel).
Recently my Uncle, an honest to goodness computer expert, was having issues with an HP laptop and Vista. If he can’t fix a problem on a computer, no-one can. The HP laptop and Vista nearly defeated him. He lost his rag (not unusual as his patience is shorter than a Jack Russell’s temper) and typed “Vista is fucking shit” into Google and found a techie forum that has taught me two things.
- I don’t swear too much, I swear too little.
- I am a rank amateur at swearing.
You can check out the Olympic grade swearing in all its glory here but below is a small, but representative sample:
“Why is this fucking piece of slow running crap of a shit bollocker bugger fuck wank programme allowed to be sold? I fucking hate it. Why do I get a poxy bastard cunting spinning wheel evrey time I right click something? Why does all my old software get rejected? Why does doing business with this crock of wank take so pissing long? I want a fucking refund Bill you PRICK! XP was fine so why fuck up something that works. What a cunt load of shit!”
“How do i get a refund for this pile of wank shite fucking cunting crap? i have spend endless hours not getting back to my customers cos outlook 2007 is not responding. microsoft you fucking CUNTS!!!!”
I can’t wait for the next travesty to happen to me so I can shout my new favourite phrase – wank shite.